I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize