The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
