I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
