u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
