I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
