I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
