Screwed.edu
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
