I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
