Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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