Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
