It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do vagina's smell?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize