Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
