Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
