i may or may not be watching the land before time
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
