I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
