I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
