I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
