i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
