there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How's work?
Spinning.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
