This is not my ceiling
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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