Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
