so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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