I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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