Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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