mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize