You work out of a Hotel?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
