Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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