'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
