One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize