i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
