Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
