Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
