Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
