im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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