I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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