I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Text me some of your sweat
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
