I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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