oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
