didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
