last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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