she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
