If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
