Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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