I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
