What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
