Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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