Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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