you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
