Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
