and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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