I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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