i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
