also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
