Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
