Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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