I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
