It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize