just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize