just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
