I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
