So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
