I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
