3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
plz talk dirty to me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My bed smells like the plague
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
