Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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