did you get engaged???
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
