she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
