Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
