I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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